


A new path

by EvE79



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Abuse of a minor is mentioned, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buffy and Willow are NOT nice, Depression, Don't burn the writer, F/M, Gay Marriage, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hurting character, Just don't read it if you are offended/hurt by these tags!, M/M, Nothing too graphic however, OOC characters, Painting to let out emotions, Post-Series, Pre-Slash, Problems with eating, Sick Character, Slash, Surely I forgot some, Surprise Pairing, Verbal abuse is mentioned, magic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 03:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11959176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvE79/pseuds/EvE79
Summary: The dying Hellmouth gave Xander one little miracle. Now it is time to rebuild the New Council. Friendships/relationships will start, change, become stronger and even end. WARNING: NOT for Buffy or Willow fans! Don’t like, don’t read, don’t comment!!!





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at writing fanfiction. My chapters may vary in length. Please be aware that this story has been completed before posting it. Any faults, mistakes are my own. Not a native English speaker! If you want to comment, please do. Burners will be ignored.
> 
> WARNING: Willow and Buffy are Out of Character! Eventual Slash (M/M) but nothing more than a kiss.

Prologue

The bus had finally arrived in LA. The first thing Giles does is find a healer for the wounded. Then at least a day and night of sleep for most of them.  
Although one person has still trouble sleeping, he stays up most of the night and day. A few miles into the drive, something magical happened. It hurts a lot but nothing like when it was taken. He thinks about it a long time and finally believes he knows the answer; the dying Hellmouth has given him a final present. It must have been since he was one person left to have actually been born in the haunted town. When the pain eventually fades he feels an absolute exhaustion. Despite everything, he keeps this ‘gift’ to himself, at least for now.

After a good meal, plans are made by most of the people. Buffy decides to keep her promise; she and Dawn will go on a European vacation, starting in Rome, Italy. Willow and Kennedy relocate to South America to start up a new slayer school. Rona and a few other survivors leave for the Cleveland Hellmouth while Faith and Robin Wood leave for Africa, looking for and teaching baby-slayers.

Giles, Andrew and the youngest girls will move to England so the Head Watcher can start up the New Council. At first, Xander has no idea of what to do, going with Buffy and Dawn or to South America with Willow. Sadly it becomes clear none of the girls actually want him to join them. They avoid him whenever they can, this hurts him more than anything. In the end Xander decides to move to England with Giles and help to set up the New International Watchers Council or NIWC. On arrival in London the small group check into a cheap hotel.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year has passed since the Prologue. Xander looking back will reveal what happened since.

Xander’s new home

Xander sighed as he put the finishing touches on his latest painting, this upcoming show would be his second one in England. Stepping back and sitting down he couldn’t help thinking about this past year and to be grateful for how his life had turned out. Yes, he would’ve loved it going to Africa but since his health wasn’t the best he was glad Giles had contacted Sam Zabuto’s nephew Maurice and sent the young man as the newly minted Watcher with Robin Wood and Faith as backup. The miracle with his eye happened in the bus moving towards LAX had worn him out for several days and only after arrival in England had he shown the returned eye to Giles. Shocked, the older man had contacted the Devon Coven and after a few sessions with the Head Witch he had told her a heavily edited story on what had happened at Kingmans Bluff, the black magic attack from Willow that left him with no consequences, until he moved away from the, once, powerful Hellmouth. The witches had performed several cleansing spells but most of the Dark Magic had left his body and he was now dark magic free. 

After the sessions he had still sometimes worn his eyepatch but only when he was amongst the girls. For some reason the relationship he had with them was strained and he had no idea what he could do to make it better. A week later a phone call from a solicitor/law firm had asked him to attend a meeting. Since it was no Wolfram & Hart branch he felt safe enough to go on his own. During the meeting he had gotten several surprises, apparently Anya, his parents AND Cordelia had left him there savings, life insurance and general belongings respectively. The money Anya had left him was the most, counting a few million Pounds/Dollars, mostly made because of her natural instinct in the investing world. Add to that about a 1000 years of living and it gave him a nice nest egg. The life insurance of his parents added a small 50.000 Dollars but it was Cordy’s part that warmed him the most. She kept the dress he bought her for the Prom and most of the photo’s the couple made when they were together. The last item was a letter that she had added to her will about two months before she slipped into her coma. He cried his eyes out when he read it and found the ring he had given her the night they slept with each other. A week later he would cheat on her by kissing Willow. And that certain fact still rubbed him the wrong way, why would he all of the sudden have the hots for his best friend since kindergarten? He had no proof but always had the feeling some sort of magic had been used, certainly because most of that stuff acted weird around him. The whole aftermath also rubbed him the wrong way, with Cordy breaking up with him but Willow being forgiven by Oz. Sadly that bridge had been burned long ago. When he heard of Cordy’s coma it had made him cry for a whole day and night, luckily Anya had been away for Magic Box business.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old faces return home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Both Buffy and Robin Wood are NOT nice!

After a few days of completely freaking out he realized he needed a good accountant. He had talked to Giles about it and even offered to pay for the purchase of the new Council headquarters, at least until the man could access the Old Council accounts. Giles had thanked him by calling in Allen Moore, a man who could be trusted to make the right decisions. The first thing the man had told him to do was buy a house for himself. He had done just that but not before he bought the mansion next to it for the Council HQ. His new house had been empty since the last owner had died two years before. The main reason why he liked the house was because of the huge attic. He had bought a bed, closet, a table with four chairs and a few basics for the kitchen. When Dawn arrived the both of them had gone shopping and decorated and furnished her room, the adjoining bathroom and some stuff for the sitting room. The rest of the house was bare, he simply hadn’t any time for shopping. Putting up the New Council had taken up most of his time those first few months anyway.

Sitting there he managed to pull his mind towards the painting, it was the last one of this series and he was more than proud of it. After most of the Council business had been set up, he had a lot more time on his hands and one of the perks of having enough money to last a lifetime was that he could try out a lot of different courses at the same time. He started with sports but that really wasn’t his thing. Music was nice to listen to, making it himself was a whole other story. Sculpting was nice but boring, working with clay a complete disaster. Painting was what stole his heart and the teacher had been extremely proud of this newly found talent. Using the attic as his workroom was a genial thought, especially after he put in big windows that let in the good light. 

He himself was, at first, sceptic until both Giles and Andrew gave their opinions. Still not completely convinced he kept on painting just for himself, to release his feelings onto the canvas was something he enjoyed and gave his mind the peace it really needed. Especially the time when Faith and Dawn had returned to England had been a trying one. He got really frustrated with the attitude that Dawn had experienced from her sister and The Immortal. The promise the slayer had made to her sister about spending time together was broken within two weeks. How she had done it, no idea but within three weeks the girl was back in England and custody until she turned 21 was signed over to Xander. The only logical thing could have been blackmail but he was not brave enough to challenge the girl. 

Within a month of Dawns arrival Faith called him for support. At first the conversation had been rough but after she told him why she called he actually started to listen. Turned out she had caught Robin banging one of the mini’s he had been training. At first she had forgiven him but a week later she found him in bed with a local woman. What had hurt the most was the fact that she was now pregnant and the bastard had denied any involvement. Robin survived only because she had been too stunned. He returned to get his things and found them on the lawn before the hotel. Hearing this Xander had basically ordered her to catch the next plane out of the country and to return to England. After that he had arranged that Robin was suspended from the Watchers Council. The man even had the guts to blame it all on Faith! Xander had told him exactly what he thought of the cheating bastard and not only turned his suspension into a firing but revoked any authority he ever had within the Council. 

Two days later a highly emotional Faith had knocked on the door and Xander had been there to help her grieve. After a week of crying, screaming and fighting she calmed down. A week later he accompanied her for her first ultrasound, she cried again after seeing her little baby girl, if his eyes had been moist then so be it.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old faces come... and go. Some kind of homely life is created. Buffy and Willow still don't act nice.

The next thing that happened was Faith going shopping, together with Dawn, for her new room, baby stuff and more furniture and decoration to finally make the house a home. That was the first time he had given both Dawn and Faith a glimpse of his new found wealth. The girls had not betrayed his trust and kept the shopping to the needed items only. Although Xander had to admit, coming home became a lot more fun when there was an actual sitting room with nice furniture in it. Not to mention the house being filled with laughter once in a while. 

Since she had not heard anything from her sister again since she left, Xander offers to pay for Dawn’s school and upcoming university tuition. Although she agreed with that, she insisted on paying for any extra’s like books and general living herself. Xander couldn't be more proud. While she was still working on her exams she had chosen to study Ancient Languages. To help pay for the extra’s Giles offered her a research job that made a modest paycheck. Giles had even offered Faith a part time job teaching the mini’s. The rest of the time she was helping at HQ or at the house. 

Xander in the meantime keeps painting and after another one of his paintings is sold, he is approached by a small art gallery in the nearby village. They like his work and want to organize an art show. He is scared but eventually agrees. Invitations are even sent to Willow and Buffy but they never show up, only sending him a postcard that basically says they are WAY too busy with important stuff and cannot be bothered by Xanders mediocre paintings. Despite his disappointment most of his work is sold that night and the critics even give him glowing reviews. This makes that the rest of his paintings are sold within record time.

Through the grapevine the news comes in that Willow and Kennedy broke up, but only after Kennedy arrives at the New Council do they learn the whole truth. Willow started messing with dark magic for a second time, first she used it to syphon energy from the slayers in their school including Kennedy and second was the memory magic AGAIN. Luckily for Kennedy she had taken precautions after arriving in Brazil so it would’t stick. The baby slayers were not that lucky, it had started with a sluggish feeling and getting weaker by the day. So Kennedy first asked Willow to find out if someone had cast a spell. She off course, had said nothing was wrong but after the girls only became weaker had the Slayer asked a nearby witch to do the same spell. Learning the truth she had confronted her girlfriend but to no avail. Several fights later Kennedy got the mini’s to safety before taking the first flight out of the country. Seeing that a punishment was coming, Willow fled Brazil and met up with Buffy in Venice, both travelling the world and claiming to do work only a Head Slayer and Head Witch could do. The truth is more humanly; partying with each other since The Immortal left Buffy. Apparently her whining was too much for the man.  
Willow is being monitored more closely by the Devon Coven. Sadly the redhead managed to avoid most of it. 

After a few weeks of getting her strength back Kennedy asks to be reassigned to the newly formed Texas branch of the Council. Giles is more than happy to have a senior slayer in that exact spot. No Hellmouths had ever been there but a large portion of the Demon community there were less than friendly towards humans.

A big surprise comes into the arrival of a now human Angel. Apparently he was the only survivor of the LA apocalypse and received his final gift; humanity. He had to arrange for protection now he and his team were gone before he stepped on the plane to England. After a week of testing and everything he is indeed deemed human. The next day he is gone, only a note saying he went to find ‘the love of his life’. No one is really surprised by this and they move on with their lives.

In the meantime Dawn had turned 17 and graduated school. To celebrate both all she asked for was a dinner with Giles, Xander, Faith in a fancy London restaurant. The foodis amazing and they all had a lot of fun.  
Two weeks later the girl gets a birthday card, too late and only signed with Buffy’s name. Even if Dawn had put up a brave face, they knew it hurt her deeply. To cheer her up Xander decided to give up his credit card for one day only, she and Faith spent a nice portion of his money in London, mostly on clothes, fighting ‘toys’ and rare books. Giles gave both girls a slight raise for their work.

Surprisingly the three ‘throw-aways’ manage to live together well enough not to kill each other. Off course the usual arguments over wet towels on the floor and empty milk cartons in the fridge happen but overall life is good. All of them healing from the strange lives they lived, people they lost, or the fucked up relationships they survived but mostly happy to still be alive. 

Seeing Dawn graduate makes Faith question a lot of things. Xander picks up on her mood and offers paying for her to take her GED. That way she can finish her school and maybe even go to University. At first the young woman had been too proud to accept but after it was changed into a loan she was happy to say yes. Within a month she starts her lessons and is surprised she actually loves to learn.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander's painting continues and new life enters the world.

At the end of those first eight months most of the New Council had been set up and is running as smoothly as can be expected. Giles finally has access to the Old Councils bank accounts and pays back Xander for every pound he loaned them. At the same time the gallery where he had his first exposition asked him for more work. He still kept working hard on his paintings but mostly for himself so this is a surprise. Since a lot of his recent work is based on people close to him, he asks permission to use their stories and sell them. Even if their faces and names are not visible, they are still fairly recognizable for people in the know. He even sends letters to Willow and Buffy but doesn’t get a response. After trying to call them, he simply got cut off before he can ask a question. To be sure he asked the Councils lawyer department if he can continue without the girls’ permission and got a clear answer; yes.

Now that part is cleared he starts to paint more and more since he only has a limited period of time before the exposition. Between painting, helping Dawn and Faith studying, work for the Council and keeping the house clean he sometimes forgets to eat and sleep is always short. His mind is going on and on and he even works on several paintings at the same time. Since he is also the head of the Maintenance for the Council he tries to improve a lot within a limited space of time. But his heart is not in it and even Giles sees it. He orders the young man to find a new crew that can manage everything on a daily basis. Within a week he has four young people that are good enough to take over. He even hires a supervisor for the team. Giles is happy to see that all of them are in the ‘know’ of the nightlife one way or the other, especially with all of the damage the baby slayers make….

In between painting and the cleaning work Xander now takes care of both Dawn and a very pregnant Faith. After a long and painful delivery (no, he doesn’t need his hands) with lots of cursing Faith eventually gives birth to a beautiful baby girl which she names Melissa Joy Lehane (small tribute to Joyce Summers). Faith asks Xander and Dawn to become the girl’s godparents. Giles gets the honor of grandfather. As it turned out, this little human being is just what Faith needed to gain the confidence she so craved. She now has a new purpose in life and after a rough few nights, becomes even more mellow. Although during her training sessions with the baby-slayers, she still kicks ass! With only a few weeks of baby-leave, she still manages to pass her GED and to anyone’s surprise, not in the most from Faith herself, she is accepted at Oxford for a study of Business Management.

The contact with Buffy and Willow is in a near-freezing state for most of them. Only Giles still seems to get a few words in but never without getting angry in the end. After this it is mostly Angel that answers any important calls.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after Sunnydale collapsed. Xanders health declines.

A year has passed since the New International Watchers Council was started up again. It took a lot out of everyone but Xander, alongside Giles has basically worked himself into the ground. He has taken no credit on anything and keeps on going, even if his body is exhausted all of the time. Besides his painting, helping Giles, keep up the work at home he took up an online course of Ancient Languages. 

Weeks later his second exposition is happening and most of the Council people are visiting. Giles, Dawn, Faith and Andrew are surprised to see the results. He made a series of Light vs Dark. The people in it are/were his friends, family and even enemies.

• Jesse McNally laughing as a boy vs VampJesse  
• Kendra as a sparkly, alive girl vs Kendra lying dead in the library  
• Willow as a young girl (yellow crayon) vs Kingman’s Bluff DarkWillow  
• Joyce as a loving mother with her children vs Joyce’s gravestone  
• Angel as Liam vs Angelus standing in a bloodbath  
• Dawn as a young woman full of life vs Dawn within green ‘energy’  
• Ms. Edith vs Drusilla  
• Andrew reading comic books vs Andrew betraying people (money)  
• Buffy the teen vs General Buffy (with the stripes)  
• Faith caring for Melissa Joy vs Faith fighting in jail  
• Giles as a librarian vs Ripper Giles  
• Anya swimming in money vs Anyanka with her face  
• Himself as Kitten (Dru!) vs Xander Hyena  
• And at last, a little beaten boy vs A strong man (Xander as an adult)

Needless to say, most of the visitors get wet or at least moist eyes. Within a week all but a few of his paintings are sold.

Since he is this successful he gets more questions and requests for paintings. Xander, not having any experience with business asks Faith to become his manager. Her classes are now mostly done online so it won’t upset Melissa Joy to much. His own lessons will have to take a backseat. To make sure Faith knows what Xander is willing to do and not they have a long talk. He also explains to her where his wealth is coming from. Feeling he trusts her again, Faith truly understands his effort and decides to help by becoming the best manager he could wish for. She deals with all kinds of people and is a real shark in protecting her friend. Due to Faiths work Xander can start painting more and more, and again he sometimes forgets to eat and sleep. He knows it’s not good for his health but everyone else is too busy to notice. It really doesn’t help that he wears baggy clothes to hide his weight loss.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy and Willow return. It doesn't end well...

After a few quiet months, the friendship between Xander and Buffy and Willow is strained even more when, out of the blue the girls are standing in front of him. They demand to talk to Dawn, who is at college. Neither girl believes him but in the end agree to wait for her. Xander tells them to wait in the TV room. Before he closes the door he hears them talking about ‘leaching from the Council’ and ‘still a loser’, it hurts to hear them saying it but he decides to leave it alone. A very tense Xander sends a text to Giles, Dawn and Faith, telling them what is going on. Giles arrives within an hour and tries to talk to them. The girls tell him that Xander isn’t fit or good enough to take care of Dawn and she should be returned to her rightful family namely Buffy. Xander, waiting in his study next door, hears Giles’ voice rising and rising until he’s downright yelling. The yelling turns into a verbal fight and just before he wants to intervene Dawn and Faith come home. When they hear the shouting Dawn becomes angry and opens the door without knocking. She steps inside and closes the door before anyone else can do or say anything. Within five minutes the yelling starts again, this time from Dawn. Xander and Faith are standing by the door and wait for the inevitable blow-up. And it doesn’t take long before the door is opened, Willow coming out and after her Buffy dragging a fighting and yelling Dawn behind her. Both girls ignore Giles, Xander and Faith but mostly Dawn, until the young girl wriggles too much and Buffy has to let go. Sadly the floor isn’t flexible and a painful scream is heard, followed by crying. Xander rushes towards the girl and pulls her up carefully, taking her in his arms. In the background he sees Buffy standing there, trying to intervene but Giles and Faith step in and have a ‘talk’ with both girls. Within a few minutes the front door closes and Xander manages to pick up the still crying Dawn, his own body protesting the labor. He walks up the stairs, into her room and lays her onto her bed. Lying next to her she tries to turn around and buries her head in his body. The whole effort took a lot out of his body, he tries to ignore the exhaustion that almost overwhelms him. Right now Dawn is the most important thing. The next thing he knows a Council doctor is entering the room and carefully starts to examine a sniffling Dawn. In the end it turns out her shoulder was pulled from the socket. Knowing what kind of pain this injury will give when being put back (six year old Xander winces within his head) he keeps her steady while the doctor fixes it. The cursing and screaming that follows doesn’t surprise him, the passing out does. He puts her head on a pillow and pulls the blankets over her body. The doctor leaves a sling behind before exiting the room. He himself puts a pillow in his back and tries to relax. Not much later his eyes fall dangerously close, he pulls up the blankets on his own body. Dawn is sleeping silently and if her head ends up resting on his chest during the night, then so be it. 

The next day he wakes up in Dawn’s bed but the girl is nowhere in sight. He does his business before he goes downstairs to find Giles, Faith with Melissa Joy in her arms and Dawn in the kitchen. Without a word a plate filled with breakfast is pushed in front of him. He eats a bit but has no actual appetite. After he cleared his plate in the trashcan the elephant in the room is mentioned by Dawn herself. It is decided that a phone call is needed and Xander is the one to make it, if it is on speakerphone then so be it. 

The phone call basically went as he had already expected; badly. A lot of screaming, cursing and plain insulting words for everyone are being said. Before anyone can intervene Willow says something extremely nasty towards Xander and he puts the horn in its’ place. Willows last words rub him the wrong way in a seriously bad way.   
After this, everyone is down and leaves to continue their business. A few hours later Xander decides to call the Head of the Devon Coven and asks for a meeting. Alecia is more than willing to meet up with him and the next morning Xander rises early. Taking a car he drives and arrives at the house a few minutes before the meeting he waits in the hall. When he hears the woman’s heels on the marble tiles he stands up. Hugging each other she greets him warmly before urging him to follow him to the sitting room. Behind closed doors he tells more of why he’s there, the feeling that last remark from Willow said to him and the suspicion it gave him. Alecia hears his worries and agrees that something needs to be done. She and her witch sisters will look deeper than ever before, having an idea of what to look for makes it a lot easier. Xander thanks her for her time and wise words before he hugs her goodbye. He gets back in the car and sighs before turning up the radio and driving back.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news from the Coven is not good....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Willow's bad intentions are shown.

Two days later Giles’ phone is ringing, it is Alecia asking for an urgent meeting between the Devon Coven and Giles, Faith, Dawn, Xander and all of the head slayers and witches. Having no idea what it’s all about but hearing the tone in her voice Giles agrees. An hour later, Alecia has arrived and everyone is waiting. The woman begins to tell about the meeting she had with Xander and his suspicions. She explains that afterwards she and her sisters decided to search for any spells that Willow could have put on the people of the Council. That off course took a while and the results were somber. Giles, Faith, Dawn and most of the others have several minor and major spells around them. They are all cleverly hidden so they would be invisible unless you know where and what to look for. Here she stops talking to let the information settle in. Then she continues with Xander, who is a whole different story. 

He has been hit the hardest, mostly grey and dark magic laying on top of each other and even interwoven. For some of them they could find a spell date; the oldest was from her earliest days dabbling with magic. Basically it was meant for him to follow Willow, and in a lesser way Buffy’s will, never talking back or doubting either girl. Feeling an ice cold pit form in his stomach Xander has to breath hard not to pass out, hearing his heart beating in his ears. Yes, he had the idea that something was wrong but this….

Vaguely he hears Giles asking questions about removing all of the spells. Focusing on her voice the Witch answers that most of her sisters have already started with the minor ones but permission is needed to act on the major ones. Outside of the people here the Coven also discovered that a Dark Lust Spell has been placed on Angel just before he left for Rome. Xander feels his stomach turn at every word the witch tells them. His body has trouble lifting itself and leaving the room, up the stairs and into his bathroom. Within minutes he is throwing up. It lasts a while before his stomach is empty and he goes to his bedroom. Falling down on his bed he is suddenly feeling utterly exhausted, the words and meaning of it all going through his mind over and over again before he falls in a restless sleep.

The next day he gives permission to Alecia to repair and remove all of the spells Willow did and asks them to protect him with good magic so his mind will never be attacked like this again. After she leaves he places a phone call but sadly no one answers so he has to leave a message. In straight words he tells them to go fuck themselves, the friendship he once felt is over. He feels absolutely no love anymore for his once best friend and teenage crush.  
After this he ends the call, walks up to the attic and starts a new painting.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The betrayal hits him hard. Giles is worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Trouble with food. Not watching your body's needs causes trouble!

Two days later and he’s been working almost non-stop on several paintings at the same time when it hits him the first time, a dizzy spell that weakens his knees and he has to drop himself on the floor. Next a nauseous feel sets into his stomach and for a few moments he can’t think about anything other than keeping the meagre contents of his stomach inside. Too be true, even before he found out what Willow had done he had trouble eating, drinking or sleep normally anyway. After the feeling in his stomach and the dizziness left him, he slowly gets up and walks downstairs. In the kitchen he opens the fridge and looks around for some easy food. Faith has found a new joy in cooking and is experimenting a lot with healthy and easy to make dishes that actually taste wonderful. Most of the time at least. Seeing a leftover cheese sandwich he picks it up and sits at the dinner table while nibbling on it. The weird feeling in his stomach is fading slowly, instead he starts to feel exhausted by the minute. Putting the half-eaten sandwich back in the fridge he starts his way up the stairs. It takes him forever but eventually reaches his bedroom. Sitting on the bed he looks at his alarm clock; four fifteen am. His head falls on the pillow and he tries to relax his body, eyes closing fast and his mind shuts off.

The next time he opens his eyes he is still tired, looking at his clock he sees he barely slept two hours. Yet his body and mind make it clear that sleep is not needed right now. He gets up, does his business and returns to his paintings. He knows that Faith, Dawn and Giles are busy researching for an upcoming apocalypse in Cleveland, a small one, at least in their eyes, considering what they are used to, but still needed fighting. This gives Xander more time to paint and that is basically all he does for the next few weeks.

A day after the apocalypse happened Faith and Dawn have to go to work or school and Giles offers to go see how Xander is doing. All three saw that the young man needed some time alone to recover from the betrayal he suffered, so they didn’t ask him to help with the research. When the man enters Xander’s house all is quiet, the kitchen and the sitting room are clean. Even the bedroom is empty and clearly no one has actually slept in the bed since it has been made with military precision. The bathroom is clean, not even a dropped towel in sight. He ignores Faith and Dawn’s room and walks toward the last door. Giles opens this one knowing it leads to the stairs to the attic. Going up he smells mostly paint but something else too, it’s sour, familiar and fills his nostrils more and more. He tries to think when he was here last but can’t find the answer, so it must be far too long. Cursing himself he enters the room but can barely see anything. The larger windows are all covered with dark blue or even black curtains. Only a small window at the side leaves a small beam of light in. Following it’s shine he sees the couch in the corner, on it are rags and a few blankets. When he walks towards it the sour smell becomes more distinct; dried up vomit and a form of decay. Slowly now he watches the couch, there is a body shape beneath the blankets. A fear grips his heart, he sighs deeply and pulls off the covers to find….


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles, Faith and Dawn worry. The Coven finds something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Sick character. Description of the consequences of Not (being able to) Eating!

He is barely conscious when he hears the creak of the stairs, someone is coming. It hurts to move and he cannot find the strength to call out. The pain and exhaustion is too much most of the time and his mind just won’t stop going. He can’t remember the last time he had a bit of food in his stomach for more than ten minutes. Drinking water just plain hurts his throat and always ends with vomiting. Sleep was once a good companion but even laying down on the couch hurts his whole body, as if hundreds of nails push themselves in his body. He tries to focus on the footsteps that have now reached the attic but his mind just won’t let do it. He is terrified when he feels the thin blankets move from his body, wants to scream ‘NO!’ but it happens anyway.

Giles is stunned to see the emaciated body of his young friend. Skin is almost translucent and his bones are visible. His eyes are sunken and his once plump cheeks are completely gone. The look that his eyes have is one of shame, helplessness and lost hope, but they are open! He tries talking to the boy but notices fast enough he just doesn’t have the strength to do so. Without thinking he has reached for his phone and dials the medical department of the Council. He doesn’t give an explanation but orders them to come ASAP! After he hung up he let himself fall down next to the couch, ignoring the popping of his knees. He tries to pick up Xander’s hand but an animal like whine comes from his throat. Somewhere in his mind alarm bells begin ringing but for now he has no idea what it is. Within minutes he hears the downstairs door opening and most of the medical department is entering the attic room. Seeing their boss sitting there they somewhat hesitate, until a harsh bark leaves the man ‘HELP HIM NOW!’. The trained and experienced personnel don’t know what to say but start acting instead. Ten minutes later the young man is being brought to the Council house next door, sadly they had to sedate him to prevent any excruciating pain he obviously feels. 

A few hours later and both Faith, Dawn, Andrew and a few of the mini’s that know Xander have gathered next to the medical room door. Giles is inside talking to the doctor in charge and when he finally comes out his face is sad. He starts to say something but at once he stops, the others basically see the lightbulb going on above his head. He runs off to his office and picks up the phone, from the one-sided call they find out that he is contacting Alecia, the head witch from the Devon Coven. Faith and Dawn slowly start to realize what this could mean and are both stunned and pissed off at the idea… could she really do this kind of thing to him? No, she wouldn’t, but maybe she actually did it? Would she really go this far?

Two hours later and the terrifying truth is known; yes she really did it. Faith is feeling sick to her stomach and is ready to board the next plane to Rome, Dawn is pissed and just wants to make that Bitch hurt all over, maybe she could help organize a nice witch burning. Giles is showing a whole lotta Ripper and since most of the people present are new to this phenomenon, they hope that his wrath is not (ever) aimed at them. Alecia and the Coven arrived via portal not even ten minutes after Giles hung up and have been working on Xander for almost an hour now. Finally a few of them exit the room, they are looking exhausted but mostly pissed beyond anything. A slow nod is given and then another look is passed between Alecia and Giles. Giles is looking like he wants to kill something and apparently is enough answer for the witch. She and her sisters start moving towards an empty room, close the door and within minutes chanting can be heard.


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face comes back. Xander is fine.... but is he really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mention of depression! Mention of sickness! Willow and Buffy are really Not Nice.

The chanting kept on going for a full day and night, every time a witch came out of the medical room or arrived at the mansion she would join her sisters. Sometimes one of them would come out for a quick break, coffee, tea and food made available thanks to Andrew before returning into the room.

In the meantime the people waiting had gotten an explanation from Giles. Apparently Willow had not taken well to Xander ending their friendship and put a extremely dark spell on him; food and drinks would be rejected by his body and sleep had become impossible. She had even put a time release clause and syphoning spell in it so the results would only show itself when it was too late. Despite the protection the Coven put on everyone the redhead had managed to find a loophole by making it especially for Xander. Because of this they would have to look for these things specifically or else no one would see or find it. The fact that no one had the time to check on him during the apocalypse research only helped the witch and slayer. Right now one part of the Coven was busy fighting the spells on Xander and the rest with blocking the powers of the Red Witch. Because the syphoning spell was traced back to Buffy it was decided to take away her Slayer essence. And Willows magic would also be revoked. Almost everyone was happy with that solution but also feared that Xander would not take it well that his once best friends had willingly attempted to kill him…

Two weeks later and Xander is finally released from the medical room. He gained enough weight to be somewhat healthy again and seems to be fine. Faith, Dawn and Giles try to look after him but he convinces them everything is alright. Just before Giles can actually make him talk about why he never mentioned anything a call comes in from Africa. Maurice Zabuto has information about an upcoming apocalypse. And yet again, research is done without Xander. He in turn, goes back to the attic and starts painting more than ever. Luckily for him, apart from the nastiness nothing else has been cleaned and the finished pieces are still covered. Right now he just wants to put his feelings on canvas and keep it to himself. But after a week he finds that he still can’t sleep, eat or drink properly and this time he knows it isn’t a spell. He simply ignores every attempt the Council doctor makes to contact him and manages to get away with it. In the end he goes as far as locking the door to the attic…

A week has passed since the Coven stripped both Willows magic and Buffy’s slayer powers when all of the sudden the doorbell of the big mansion rings. Most of them are still busy closing up the apocalypse research so Andrew takes it upon him to look who it is. Within a few minutes a high pitched yelp is heard and everyone runs towards the door only to find…. Angel standing there.

When everyone has calmed down Giles leads them to the sitting room and urges Angel to tell his story. Apparently Willow did more dark magic spells than anyone thought. She put Angel under an Obedience spell that basically told him Buffy was his master and he was the slave, both for sex, fighting and housekeeping. Since Willows powers were taken away every spell that was still in action revoked. Sadly it took a while for it to wear off completely but when it did… the former vamp became pissed beyond recognition. He also tells them that both girls were not happy when their power and strength were gone and had tried every way they could to get it back. They even had the gall to blame Xander for all of their trouble. Seeing the girls fighting and hearing how they treated their friends the former vampire was disgusted to see how the (once) love of his life changed. Angel tells that his actual reasoning for returning to the Council was him being afraid something happened to his onetime friend. This last bit of information shocks most of the others. Xander and Angel friends? Surprised at their faces Angel explains that after he moved to LA one night he tried to call Buffy but got Xander instead. At first the phone calls were nasty but slowly it had changed. Early on it would mostly be about Cordy but after a while they actually started Talking. Finding a whole new base of understanding, Xander even started visiting the Angel Crew during holidays and any down time of slaying. The two even grieved together after they lost Cordy. After Angel returned as a human, their friendship got rekindled but abruptly ended because of the Obedience spell and his moving to Rome. 

Talking about Xander reminds Faith, Dawn and Giles that the young man hasn’t been seen in a while and they race towards the house, up to the attic door but finding it locked. Angel who ran behind them, kicks down the door and hurries upstairs. Reaching the attic he finds it hard to see in the dark and badly smelling room. There are canvasses everywhere, most of them are covered with dirty sheets. Empty paint cans are stacked in one corner and just in front of the he suddenly sees a body. He runs towards it and crashes down, feeling for a pulse, which, thankfully a weak one is there. His breathing is labored and his skin feels way too hot. Cursing can be heard from behind him but he is more focused on Xander. Within minutes the doctors and medics arrive and the young man is, once again, transported to the big house.

An hour later the group is informed that he is diagnosed with a double pneumonia, anemia and complete physical and emotional exhaustion. The doctor also suggest that he has to be questioned for depression. Initially the foursome disagree with this last thing but the doctor only wants to be sure. That night all of them stay next to the young man, watching him as he sleeps, a medically induced one but at this point the're happy he finally gets help.

It is Angel that eventually asks THE question, could it be that Xander is actually depressed and no one recognized it? Getting the sad looks he knows he hit the sore spot, they really didn’t know or knew what to look out for. He suggests they start with the place the young man spent so much time, seeing if they can find anything in his works. Especially because Xander always puts his emotions in his paintings. Ten minutes later they enter the attic once more. Angel pulls open the curtains and a sea of light shows the absolute devastation of the place. More empty paint cans and filthy sheets cover the floor while every nook and cranny is filled with stacks of new and used canvasses. Several sizes of easels are filled with more than one painting, all covered in sheets. Angel starts pulling one off and stares at the picture in front of him. Not able to speak a word he turns around and walks around, ripping of one sheet after another until all of them are revealed. The foursome stand still and stare at the canvasses, hurt that Angel and the doctor were right. Not one of the paintings have any kind of color in it, black, grey’s and sometimes a dark blue or brown but that’s it, no shapes or anything, just smears of paint almost like ghosts. The biggest one is the most gruesome; a field is filled with obviously dead bodies, some have eyes are open, with only one person standing in the middle of it all, the face is that of Xander….


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character is introduced because help is needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: deals with mental health! Deals with emotions! Deals with broken friendships! Mention of people that died! Mention of verbal and physical abuse but nothing graphic.

Six months is what it took for Xander’s body to make it back to acceptable measures. And it wasn’t easy, he did it kicking (sometimes literally) and screaming, faking happiness and even insulting everyone that tries to come close. This time however, he is monitored more strictly and isn’t able to fool anyone in saying he’s ‘fine’ or bully his way out of it. Giles gave him a room at the mansion, next to Angels quarters, and despite a huge fight the head Watcher isn’t budging. He tries to convince Dawn and Faith but they also keep their backs straight. Now that his physical state has slightly improved it is time for his mental problems to be tended to. Xander tries to deny any help but it is obvious he is a mental wreck, bursting out in tears whenever something tells him something or mentions Willow and/or Buffy. In the end Giles manages to find a qualified psychiatrist in the know, her brother was killed by a vampire when she was fourteen. Alice Liongate is a middle-aged, no-nonsense woman who isn’t scared when the young troubled man is fighting her verbally by cursing in English, Latin, Sumerian or whatever he tries. The first meeting lasted only five minutes and ended with Xander leaving the room. Alice let him go at that moment but continues making appointments even if the boy refuses to meet her. In the end it is Angel that forces him to at least listen to her, he even goes as far as standing guard in front of the door. Four sessions and as many days later, not a word has been changed but at least no more cursing, fighting or faking happiness occurs. He now simply sits there and waits for the hour to pass, then gets up and leaves. The fifth session begins almost the same but this time Alice asks him a simple question; ‘are you happy?’, no answer. A next one follows; ‘have you ever been happy?’ This time she sees a wince from his left eye, it could have been easily missed but at least it is a reaction. The last question ‘can you forgive yourself’ is one he clearly didn’t expect and his face first gets mad, than sad, mad again before bursting out into tears. It takes a long time before the crying slowly turns into sobbing softly and eventually he falls asleep. It is Angel that carries him back to his room and stays with him during the night. The man has done that everyday so far as he is the only one with enough time on his hands. He is sad that his friend is suffering so much but grateful to be able to support him. Luckily Xander has a peaceful night and wakes up only after a solid twelve hours. He eats half of the breakfast before he takes a shower and dresses without saying a word. Another session is planned and again Angel brings him to Alice’s room. This time a few simple questions are asked and even answered with short, one syllable answers. Afterwards he is still dead tired but for some reason he feels a tiny bit lighter. 

Another week passes and the sessions begin to expand. Alice strongly believes that Xander is showing his feelings for basically the first time of his life. Giles tries to find out what is being said but Alice stands her ground. She tells him that the young man really needs to feel safe to tell his story now. Then maybe he is willing to share it with them in the future. 

The things he tells her are sometimes sad, horrible or make her frustratingly angry. Showing feelings at the Harris household was not a good thing, caring parents were a fairytale that only happened to other children. Not to mention the physical abuse that started at a very young age made him a kid that didn’t no love. Meeting Willow and Jesse was a highlight in his miserable home life. Getting to know the Sunnydale nightlife helped him find a purpose, killing his best friend was a difficult one. The aftermath was even harder, how he hated himself for basically forgetting Jesse and the bond they shared. Xander would always feel guilty about not saving his friend the others he grew up with. And as it turns out it wasn’t the only thing he pushed down, the verbal abuse that happened first only at home, later at school had hurt him more than he let on. The attitude changes from Buffy and Willow were something he still couldn’t understand. His suspicions about the Fluke ruining his relationship with Cordy, even after all these years still grieving for it. But the recent actions from the redhead had cut his heart with a knife. Even after the first few warnings about the mind abuse she STILL did it again. Yes, the brotherly love he once felt for her was now turned to a stone-cold hate. And to be honest, she can’t blame him. The only thing he has to learn now is to not keep that feeling and let it destroy his whole future. 

Seeing the differences in Xander over the next few months, Alice is being asked to stay permanently by Giles. She happily accepts and continues to help every member of the Council that asks for it (Faith, Dawn), and even the ones that don’t (Giles). She and everyone else starts to see a whole new Xander than the sad, miserable and angry boy they first met or saw him become. 

Xander had started painting again but only when Alice deemed it the right time. His black paintings had been saved and to his surprise the gallery owner really wanted to organize an exposition especially for them! Without any expectations of selling them he agreed. Within two weeks all of them were sold, some of them even for double of the asking price. Apparently his work was new, edgy, dark and fresh enough.


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise couple and wedding. Little bit of geek speek. Buffy and Willow return. And leave again. Faith also finds something special. Happiness at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Gay marriage! SLASH pairing! Mentions of Pre-slash (M/M variety) and M/F pairing but nothing graphic. Healing from mental problems!

EPILOGUE

4,5 years after the Sunnydale collapse

Xander is sitting behind his desk in the study, writing in his journal (no, not a diary!). He started keeping one during his sessions with Alice. He still continues with those but now at a minimum of twice a week. Talking about his feelings had first felt weird, scary and Wrong but the more he was forced to do it, the better it felt. Something deep inside him had started to rise up. Knowing what it was he, at first, tried to squash it. After a talk with Angel he realized that he needed to let go of all his pain. The former vampire had stayed by his side during the bad and the ugly. Eventually a bit of good had peeked through the horizon, in the shape of Feelings he only ever had experienced with Cordy. Being very unsure of himself and still sometimes trying to put himself down he had distanced himself from the person in question. His mood had plummeted almost immediately and had it not been for Alice guessing the reason and yelling at him for denying himself his future happiness he probably wouldn’t be here today. That same night he had expressed his feelings, prepared for a rejection. Only to be surprised by the gentlest of kisses. 

The two had managed to keep it a secret for about three weeks before Dawn had caught them in a sweet make-out session. The evil glint that reached her eyes had absolutely nothing to do with her bitch of a sister getting a surprise next time she called, nope not at all. Within ten minutes the whole building knew what was going on. Faith had first been stunned before bursting into a laughter that lasted a whole afternoon. Andrew was happy and compared it to the relationship of Kirk and McCoy while Giles simply stopped talking for a day. Most of the baby slayers were just happy for both of them, seeing as they only met Angel as a human. Although the couple was taking it slow everyone could see it would be intense and genuine.

And now, a year and a half later the day had come that they would tie the knot. He would become the Husband of Liam Angel and leave the hated Harris name behind him. And yes, Willow and Buffy had been invited to the wedding. The two girls had come to make peace with all of their old friends and family. It had taken them a few months before they even had the guts to pay up for their mistakes and hurtful actions. Everyone had made it clear that the friendship would need to be earned back the hard way. Off course they had tried to sweet talk Xander into forgiving them but that had ended abruptly when Buffy had the gall to try to seduce Angel. The man had simply cut her off right their but Xander had made it very clear he couldn’t ever trust either girl again, the friendship had been destroyed beyond forgiveness. After this became known the two of them were shut out by everyone else. Only after they accepted that the friendship with Xander and Angel didn’t love Buffy anymore were they welcome again. The first time they returned a talk with Ripper had happened, behind closed doors. No yelling had been heard but both girls obviously had been crying when they left the room. The man had told them some truths and in the end had offered them jobs teaching, not at HQ off course but in the US at a local branch of the school. Angel already was teaching the mini’s at the main school. He was even improving the teaching material other Watchers could work with. What better way to learn about monsters and vampires than a former Vamp master with almost three hundred years of experience.

His mind returns to this day, he feels happy thinking about it and if he went to the bathroom five times within two hours than it’s not because of nerves, nope. A small knock on the door that he recognizes as Faith, his best woman. Dawn is the master of ceremony and little Melissa Joy is flower girl and ringbearer. Giles has agreed to give him away, basically acting as his father. Oh, the face the man had given him when asked, there was no money enough in the world to pay for that. Andrew had handled most of the decoration and catering and together with Giles had they gone suit shopping. The bachelor party was with both men but Faith and Dawn had joined them. The same people also went partying with Angel for his party.

When Faith enters the room she has a big smile on her face, she walks towards him and gives him a kiss on his forehead. “You ready to take the plunge stud?” Her voice is soft and he knows that it is not all about the wedding but more about the young Watcher that was recruited three months ago. From the first moment she saw him Xander knew she had the hots for him. The fact that James had taken an instant liking to Melissa Joy really had helped him big time. And apparently he also liked her because after two weeks they were found kissing, again by Dawn. Not only Xander and Giles but even Angel had ‘talked’ to the guy about what a Shovel could do to a person…. She had been pissed off at first but the look of happiness (people caring!) won out. “Yes, more than ever Faith.” He closed his journal, raised from the chair and followed her downstairs, outside and to the main house. The wedding would take place in the massive garden behind it and for some reason the sun was shining, a slight breeze making it a very comfortable temperature. Thinking about how far he had come in his life, hearing the music start and Giles by his side, he walked past the first rows of chairs. A lot of Mini’s, Slayers, Watchers, Alice and the ‘normal’ people they invited were beaming with pleasure. There at the end of the isle was his future husband, Angel. He was too focused on the handsome man that he completely ignored the somewhat nasty looks on Buffy and Willows faces. They were sitting in the back row and were on the receiving end of a glare from both Dawn and Faith. The look in their eyes really spoke of a: Dare to say something and face the consequences!

Xander however was way too busy being happy and trying to concentrate on the minister instead of wanting to jump his (ALMOST husband) Angels bones or at least kiss him silly right there and then.

The End.


End file.
